My Life Quote

            “Never take anyone for granted, because you never know when you may lose them.”- Quote from the movie Glitter. This quote has always been my favorite quote. However, I have not listened to my own advice. Four years ago my great grandfather pasted away. At that point in time, I did not know that that was the last time I was going to see my father. I had not seen him in a long time, and he came off really odd to me. He did not seem like my dad. I was really rude to him; I didn’t want to hug him nor talk with him. Had I known that it would have been the last time I had the chance to do those things, I would have. Just a few months later I get a call saying that he had been arrested for something he did not do. Still today, he is prison trying to appeal. He being in prison, knowing that I may never be able to see him again, has made him and I reunite. Our relationship is so much stronger. Everyday, I wish that I would have loved on him and been nicer to him. I need to start listening to my own advice, and possibly there will be fewer mistakes in my life. “Never take anyone for granted, because you never know when you u may lose them.”

Narrowing Down the Days

The Days are narrowing down. I will be bringing a little man into this world soon. He is slowly but surely coming. I'm not due until September 25th, but he's dropping and I'm dilating. I am so excited. My anxiety is crazy right now. Everyday I want him to be here. I'm telling Erik and myself that we need to do whatever to get things moving. I just really hope its when my mom has vacation open at her work. I would love it if her and my sister could stay for a few days and help!! It would make me ever so happy.

Even though I am a mommy, I still need my mommy. I still call her everyday. No matter what I try to talk to her everyday. She always makes me feel better. I hope Emma and Jacob feel that way about me when they are my age. A momma always knows the right things to say. They are the best shoulder to cry on, or in my circumstances, the best ear to cry into. Life is hard when you don't have a mommy around. I am dreading the day I will have to say goodbye. A mother's love is like no other.

Jacob, the little man in my belly, is very healthy, the doctors say. He was a little over 5 lbs. last time we measured. His heart rate is good. His muscle tone is good. I saw his eyebrows move in the ultrasound the other day... a little creepy. His breathing is good. I saw his chest rising and falling. And his movement is great!! He stretched real big while my doctor was doing the ultrasound.

I hope he comes soon. I can't wait any longer.

Our Family of Four: frogs snails & puppy dog tails

Our Family of Four: frogs snails & puppy dog tails... check this out. our maternity pictures taken by erik's sister Christine.

Scares Easier Now Than Ever

Why is it that I get scared more now than I did when I was little? Seriously, I get so scared all the time. I still have nightmares. I always think my house is haunted. Most people grow out of gettin scared. Not me.. lol I grew into getting scared.

When I was younger I hardly ever got scared. My dad always watched scary movies with me. I loved watching them. My sisters and me would always watch Chucky, Freddy, Michael Myers, and Carrie. Always. When I was little my dad would tell me about the nightmares he had as a child. Now those would scare me. Just the way he would tell them to me would creep me out!! I have watched a scary movie in a long time. I can't.. I get so scared. Sometimes I can get myself to watch those haunted shows on tv every once in a while. But I try not to because I'm always scared I'm going to have nightmares. I am a grown woman and I get so scared all the time.

I get so scared when I am home alone at night. I always stayed home alone when i was young. And when I was in high school I be home alone for a weekend. I was never scared. And now that I'm a mom and an adult, I always get creeped out. I mean my house makes creepy noises. I always feel like someone is watching me or someone is going to break into the house. I always think someone is going to break into the house!! I mean there is always a light on in the house when I'm here. Emma's lamp stays on throughout the night. So someone would be stupid to break in. I seriously freak out though. I will text Erik and ask him how much longer he'll be at work. I ask him to hurry!! I really get scared. Sometimes I try to call my sister. I lay in bed staring out the window. Checking and making sure all the doors are locked. I try to go to sleep but I'm too scared to. I will stay up until Erik gets home.



I still have nightmares. I am 21 and have terrifing nightmares. Thats why I don't watch scary movies anymore. I am scared that I will end up having a nightmare. I remember my nightmares better than I do my regular dreams. I still remember dreams from when I was a little girls. I actually had a nightmare last night. I don't remember that much. The only thing I do remember is Erik falling. I was sleeping but in my sleep I was trying to catch him. And in real life I sit up and grab Erik. I didn't even mean to. But once I realized what I was doing I just layed back down. It was really weird. My dreams get so bad that I wake up breathing hard, heart beating rediculously!! I really get scared. It takes me forever to go back to sleep. I have to place my hand on Erik or rest my foot against him. I don't know what it is. I don't know why  I still have dreams like this.

Why am I always scared?

Are you?

Family Time

Ever since I was a little girl family has been a huge part of my life. Nothing is more important to me than my family. When I was little my grandparents were everything to me. My wonderful Mamaw would take me to preschool every morning. Every morning she would make me scramble eggs, sausage, and toast. She would make a sandwich out of it. She and Buddy always took care of me. Mamaw still makes sure that I am taken care of. Sadly my Buddy left us when I was thirteen years old. He was the heart of my mom's family. He was my mamaw's hero. He took such good care of her. Poor lady has never pumped her own gas. When he pasted  I think she sorta freaked out. No worries though, my family was there by her side. I think she still doesn't put gas in her car. Well she isn't able to drive anymore either. Guess that's a good thing.

Now my grandparents on my dad's side were just as great! My grandpa and grandma! It was really funny. Amanda was grandma's favorite and I was grandpa's. Grandpa would always get onto "Mandy" if she was mean to me. He made the best chocolate milk and bowl of fruit loops. Grandma had that amazing cooking. Chocolate gravy, biscuits, bacon, sausage, hash browns,eggs and anything else you would want for breakfast. The only person that can cook like my Grandma is my dad. Grandma can't see nor hear very well anymore, therefore, she's no longer aloud to cook. Hopefully one day I'll be able to taste the goodness of my Grandma's cooking through my dad. Grandpa and Grandma were the cutest thing. Just like Mamaw and Buddy, Grandpa chased grandma since they were kids. Life isn't like that anymore. The world doesn't make men like they used to. Very few women get blessed with men who will bend over backwards to make you happy, to make sure that you have everything you need.

That's where I come to my little family. Erik, Emma, Jacob, and myself.  I want the best past, present, and future for my family. I want my kids to have the best family possible. I want them to be close to their grandparents as my sister and I were. Its hard to do that when my family is four hours away and spread out all over the country. Erik parents, brother and sister lives her, but one of sisters doesn't. And with them, Erik is very distant. He's not close with them at all. Sometimes I think I am closer to his family than he is. I have only met his "close" family. No aunts, uncles, cousins, or the grandparents. I want to so bad. And everyone is like why do you want to meet them so bad? Its cause family is the most important thing in life. I mean his grandparents are getting old and their health is fading. I want them to meet me and my kids. I want them to love me like I'm their own. I love Linda and Bob, the in-laws, as my own. They have done so much for me and Erik. I don't know where we would be without them. I am forever grateful. I want to raise my kids around a loving family. I want Emma and Jacob to get the best glass of chocolate milk, and the sick bed on the couch. The best things when your little are the smallest things.

When I was young I was a daddy's girl and a momma's girl. I loved spending time with my momma and I loved spending time with my daddy. I still call my momma everyday. Unfortunately, I'm not able to do the same with my dad. But no matter their faults, I have always loved them. You can never tell your family enough how much you love them. Never enough. I tell my parents I love them multiple times on a phone call. I tell my sisters just as much. We are close as well. It took me and Amanda until I was in high school to get close. Now with Mallery, Amanda and myself sorta got close to her when she was in jr. high. Mallery is a good kid. She has great morals and goals in life. I just hope she follows through with her dreams unlike me and Amanda. We let love get in our way. For me its working out.  Sadly for my sister its not. But life goes on. 

I feel like some people aren't made to be in relationships. I think she got that from my parents. I think my sister has alot of anger in her heart. I don't think she'll ever find true love. Once you're done wrong in every way possible there is no mending and you find yourself searching for flaws in people. She could have Mr. Perfect walk right in front her but she'll find something wrong with them. Or one argument will be the last. The argument would be over nothing serious. I think our past and our parent's past has alot to do with it. I'm not saying that I wasn't happy as a child, but we had alot of stress as children. I have had shingles multiple times. Shingles is cause by stress and is usually found in adults. The first time I got it was when I was three or four. That's why I say a close family is important.

I don't want to argue around the kids. I don't want arguments period. I don't want to drink around the kids. I want my kid's memories to be only happy ones. I don't want my kids to stress about family leaving them. I want my babies to have the family I did, but a happier one!

I want to grow old with Erik and have his and her recliners. I want us to sit next to each other and just know that this person is the love of my life and will be forever. I want to be like on The Notebook. I don't want us to give up on each other. There is so much hatred in this world. I wish the world thought like I do. If everyone would just love, life would be easier.

Mom, Dad, Amanda, Mallery, Mamaw, and Grandma, thanks for being there for me as I grew up.

Erik, my Emma, my Jacob, Linda, and Bob, I look forward to you helping me grow even more.

R.I.P. Buddy and Grandpa

I Love you all so much!!

The Ups, The Downs, and The In Betweens (1st blog)

Life has it's ups, it's downs, and it's in betweens. Life throws things at you when least expect it such as: me getting pregnant just six months after having my first child. Life is like a game of monopoly. You roll the die, take chances, and you never know what you're going to land on. You have things that make you cry, things that put you to your limit, and things that couldn't make you happier. In my first blog I'm going to sum up my ups, downs, and in betweens that life has put me through thus far.



Broken (Downs)



As soon as I was born life was already throwing stuff at me. Before I was even a year old my parents divorced. And my mom remarried when I was three I suppose. Being brought up in a broken home is nothing you want to put your kids through. It takes two to make a baby for a reason. A child needs both the mother and father. Each one is needed for different things in life. If a kid doesn't have both, they will feel broken when they are older. They will feel as if something is missing in their life. I feel broken. I have been through four divorces. Two in one year actually. My moms second marriage ended my freshman year of high school. Nothing but ups and downs thirteen years of my life. Argument after argument. Laughter after laughter. When you're young you don't see what goes on behind the parent's bedroom door. You never knew that it was way worse than you ever thought it could be. It's like you never know your true parents. They were completely different behind that door. While you're dealing with the chaos at the your mom's house, every other weekend you get your daddy time. When every week you look forward to the weekend to spend with your dad. You always had fun with the dad. He made sure that you had fun no matter what. Even when there wasn't much money to do anything with, he still made the times memorable!! My dad showed up at my cousins house one day while we were swimming. He pulls up (I'm shocked didn't know he was coming over) and walks over to the pool, gives me a kiss, and tells me he's leaving for Michigan. To an eight year old daddy's girl, that's the worst thing you could tell her. My grandparents would take me and my sister to visit, and they would literally have to pry me off his neck. A 12 hour drive gives you plenty of time to cry yourself to sleep. And a few visits you grow out of the clenching to him, the crying. You grow out of being a daddy's girl. After a year of being there for a year, he marries a lady with three kids. Thought it was great for a few years, has a baby with her. And when that little girl was about a year old, they get a divorce. My freshman year of high school as well. I've probably seen my dad three or four times the whole time i was in high school. Now I may never get to see him again, but that's a whole nother post. Mom got remarried my sophomore or junior year of high school. They got divorced this past November. My life has been nothing but broken pieces getting pasted back together and broken again. That's the biggest DOWNS.



Happiness (ups)

Now just because I've been broken doesn't mean that I haven't had great moments in my life. The first great thing that pops in my head is the day I saw Erik Greywitt. I knew from the first time I saw him that I wanted him. I didn't know his name or anything about him. I walked into T.G.I. Friday's two days into me living in Chattanooga. He was standing by the bar. He was even dating a girl. We hung out a couple of times and that was it for about 6 months. Then him and that girl broke up and he became my best friend. Went to the movies as friends, had sleep overs as friends. We even had friendship bracelets. This whole time we was talking to another girl. Erik and me were just friends for real. And he fell in love with me and I fell in love with him. But to me we were just friends and I couldn't see past that. He was crazy about me though. Him and that girl quit talking. He went back home with me to visit family. Just as friends. My family loved him. They kept telling me that I loved him and he loved me. And that we were going to get married. They were so crazy about him. They said when we looked at each other you knew we were in love. Well we came back home and stayed friends for a while. He always took care of me though. One night we were out and one of our guy friends actually cried telling us how much we were made for each other and how we need to be together. We just laughed it off. Then my jaw got broken at work. And he always made sure I had stuff at the house. He always made me smile. Even with my mouth wired shut! lol I felt miserable though. I felt so unhappy with my life. I felt so alone and missed my family back home. I almost packed up and moved back. He came over one night and begged me to stay. He told me to get over the best friend thing and that he loved me. He said give me a year and if you're still not happy here, I'll move back with you. Well we got together. Got pregnant with our Emma and moved back.  Didn't last long. We were made to be in Chattanooga. And now we have a little Jacob on the way. And now I have what I wanted from the second day in Chattanooga. I have a Family with the man I fell in love with from the first time I set eyes on him!







Visiting home just as friends



A year and a half later

The in betweens are just blurred dreams. Nothing comes out clear. The in betweens are the things that don't matter anymore. Like all those fights you and your sisters had about wearing each other's clothes. And how much you wanted to be with your sister but she didn't want you around. But when you both grow up and move away. Yall cry all the time about how much yall miss each other. And the little sister that made life hell when she was a little girl but now she has matured into this beautiful, wise, responsible young lady with ambitions. Who knew that life would turn out this way?.... I didn't. Did you think your life would be the way is now ten years ago?